Studies

Samstag, 3. August 2013

Some talking.

I just kept thinking these last nights...

About drawing and painting and practicing to get better. Yeah, it is hard as fuck. It often demotivates and depresses myself, if the own self expectation wasn't reached with the latest sketch or painting. I always look on Facebook, see awesome art of pro artists. Not only that this distracts me from practicing, it also tears me down.

"Why am i not that good? Jeez look at this awesome stuff he/she painted today, yesterday and that day before and that day before that one... JEEZ! He/She 's like a MACHINE fueled with awesomeness!... Now i look at my crap... *throws pen away*".

Of course it is a horrible mistake, to compare myself with the best. A very bad one actually. But this happens and it happens a lot! People are doing that unconsciously. If they want it, or not. At the same time I want to soothe myself :"He/She's like 3 years older than me... okay i have some time to catch up." But then I stumble across those geniuses: 16 year old and paints like a boss! That's what is tearing down again. "Why am i not that good?"

Of course the answer to that is : I need to practice! And most important: WORK HARD!

Since I am a very lazy ass, it is even harder for me. I look at my friends improving and i don't want to be left behind, so i practice. But after some time I lose myself again in stupid stuff, which doesn't has anything to do with art and practicing. Even when I write down a tight schedule I can't keep up with it. Sometimes I am lying in my bed and think: "I never knew becoming a good artist will be that hard... No normal person will be able to relate to such a long hard, painful and depressing way, to get the dream job!"

Those thoughts burn myself out at some point. That I can't work 12h on art every day. That I can't improve that much because of that. It's mostly mental.

My friends often say: "Ouh boy, i had so much fun painting this!"
Well... I can say that in the rarest cases! Mostly it's just this painful thinking of self expectation with all the images of the pro artists in my head. Some times i wonder if this is fun for me at all. Whether this is the right way or not. But i can't think about other work to be payed for, for a living later on, than with art.

What i always have in my mind: Fear, Doubts and self expectations which are set too high.

I totally need to get rid of this shit.

I wanted to post the fail drawings, thoughts, practice stuff and shit here, so i can share the long hard way with others. And most importantly to look at this hard long way in some years, when i hopefully continued to walk this way - successfully.

Like one pro artist said :
"You will fail a LOT! You will fail HARD! And you will fail more than you get those little 'wins'. But if you keep doing it, it will pay off one day. Definitely. Just work hard."

Sorry for my bad english.

Back to Basics: Failing to construct

Like one pro artist said :"You will fail a LOT! You will fail HARD! And you will fail more than you get those little 'wins'. But if you keep doing it, it will pay off one day. Definitely. Just work hard."